Two letters, one word, and instantly a whole array of different notions and attitudes follow.
When I say "no", I feel stronger, more knowledgeable, determined, more active. When I say "no", I feel like I have more willpower, more accomplished, have better perspectives, being more in charge of my own well being and well being of my closest people, I feel safer.
"Feel" and "safer" here are key words.
"Feel" is important, because sometimes "no" is correct and rational argument - and sometimes "no" is emotional and impulsive. We really cannot guarantee that at any given moment we are right, but sometimes we are in a situation when we really _want_ to be right. When we say "no" we give ourselves a taste of what it means to be right, whether this is true or not at that moment. "No" lets me feel right. Strong. Determined. Sometimes we need to feel that so we can cover for failure, indecisiveness, helplessness in some other area which we may not be able to control - but we also cannot admit and accept that it is beyond our control. Sometimes we feel that we need to act now. Sometimes we simply lack patience. Sometimes reasons are yet others. Reasons are multiple and depend on many things.
"Safer" is an important word here because constant _perceived_ threat (not always real threat) stokes constant fire of anxiety - and it is a very unpleasant feeling which we constantly want to get rid of. One way is to understand that what we see laying across the road is a stick and not a snake (this is a textbook example, but I hope that idea is clear) - that means to read, to gather information, to draw conclusions, to understand, to see analogies. Here a degree of freedom for mistakes does exist, because we cannot readily recognize what is a trusted source of information anymore - yet with use this ability grows stronger. Another way is to trust the expert in the area - and here some room for mistakes also exists, because we can also learn to appear like an expert. But one way or another a true and strong feeling of security relies on the personal knowledge and trusted opinion. Sometimes we try to reinforce knowledge with stronger emotions - just to make sure we don't need to reconstruct our system of opinions from the scratch, because it is a difficult task we want to avoid. Besides, we would have to admit that we were wrong before, which is also an unpleasant act.
No, I am not saying that we need to keep saying "yes". Destruction and creation, negations and affirmation are two aspects of the same act. It makes sense that Hinduism has god of destruction who opens up new spaces for the god of creation. One cannot do without the other. Sometimes "no" means progress and development, sometimes "no" means regress and downfall. The pages of history has plenty of examples for both. It is regrettable that we can clearly see it from some distance in time and not during the clash itself. No one really knows which "no" is now taking place. Every day we have more and more possibilities to understand and choose, because we have more good information we can rely on - but also we have more ways to be wrong.
Yet the wish to be right, safe and strong remain as strong as ever.
My name is Monika, I am health and nutrition psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, teach and provide psychological counselling. Book my talk to ask more!
Illustration: Deedster from Pixabay
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #no
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The research outlines four behaviors related to minimalism: clutter removal, cautious shopping, longevity (of the purchased items, I assume) and self-sufficiency.
The research also found that minimalism significantly increases feeling of flourishing (nice choice of the term!) and alleviates depression.
👆 I _always_ said, that tidying is a great form of meditation, that it is also a series of calm, repetitive motions (and leads to relaxation), besides, the result is always visually pleasing!
My name is Monika, I am health and nutrition psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, teach and provide psychological counselling. Book my talk to know more about psychology of cleaning!
Photo: Scott Webb from Pixabay
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #minimalism #tidying #flourishing #depression
Today I would like to recommend a book - Jon Kabat-Zinn "Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness meditation for everyday life". Meditation is one of the most valuable skills that you can learn to improve and maintain your health in a good condition.
This means your mental health as well as your physical health, which is definitely very much related to and dependant on your psychological balance.
The author is Western so the book does not contain multiple words that are not relatable to our daily life and language. I also would like to dissipate another often used and incorrect idea - meditation is not a practice of silencing your thoughts. Meditation is practice of concentrating your focus on your passing thoughts, on may object or action. You may meditate while cleaning your home, walking, or sitting down. You don't need to have a mat, sit in lotus pose or burn incense - you may choose to use it all ar one of it, if it helps you to focus.
Take a breath. Lightly exhale.
My name is Monika, I am health and nutrition psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, teach and provide psychological counselling. Book my talk to ask more about meditation and psychology!
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #recommendedbook #books #recommendation
What does brain do when we watch a movie? Results of the magnetic resonance reveal that we get more involved (that is more coordinated brain activity is dedicated) in more emotional scenes. This higher involvement state is rather similar among different people - we kind of get synchronized. When involvement is lower, then mind "wanders" in an individual manner, and the state is quite distinct for each person. When following the movie review people were asked to recall the movie, it was possible to predict what the story will feature - they were the same higher involvement and more intense emotion scenes.
I only wonder what my brain does when I watch Fawlty Towers for several hundredth time...
My name is Monika, I am health and nutrition psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, teach and provide psychological counselling. Book my talk to ask more about food and psychology!
Photo: Free-Photos from Pixabay
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #research #movie #brain #memory