99: psychology and mythology (1 of 4)
Do you go to the psychotherapy? No, because "your head is fine"? No, because "add-your-own-reason-here"? Well. You are not alone. The most popular myths about the psychotherapy, and, of course, what actually happens.
🤔 “Psychologist will see me right through and will know all the answers”
🧠 Such clients also expect to be "fixed", because therapist "has all the tools" and "knows everything that works". One problem - human is not a car and cannot be fixed as one. Besides, human does not "break down". Who each person is, at every moment of their life, is the reflection of all the decisions they made throughout their life. THat means that these traits and qualities were helpful at some point. If they are a burden right now - then they are not helpful anymore (this is of course not about the psychiatric disorders). This is why therapist cannot produce solutions or "write the recipe", therapist is not clairvoyant, and not a magician - therapist knows the general principles of reasoning, behavior, emotional reactions, is able to listen objectively and point out the causes of the difficulties as well as possible solutions that would be most efficient to the specific person in the specific situation. THe solutions usually are already known to us already, but for some reason we cannot see them - and therapist also helps to shed light on those reasons. Working with people experiencing similar difficulties, therapist may suggest similar solutions, but it never means that he or she clearly sees your situation and your possibilities. After all, therapist only knows what you tell. As a matter of fact, therapist, providing very specific suggestions without the context, probably aims to help himself or herself first of all. Finally, a well fit metaphor - goal of the therapist is to "teach to fish" (i.e. to live independently) and not to "provide the fish" (i.e. not to feed the person with single use advice).
🤔 “If I'm going through therapy, that means that I am weak, cannot deal with problems that I have, I have deficiencies or I am not right in my head. What will happen if other people will understand that I am like this? The dark sides of the personality need to be hidden, the deeper - the better".
🧠 It actually is very normal and very common to have issues that cannot be dealt with on your own. We all have them, and we know only what we know - and not absolutely everything. No-one was born with absolute knowledge. People who live with their issues actually deal worse with their problems than people who face them with professional help. People who go through therapy live quite ordinary lives and deal with quite ordinary difficulties. VIsiting therapist is actually a sign that person decided to deal with something instead of hiding it "under the carpet". Do you try to pull out your own teeth? Perform a surgery on your appendix? Or do you try to hide the symptoms and hope that "it will pass"? It is better to try than to think that therapy looks just like the movies (very few movies have an accurate depiction, by the way). On the other hand, freedom to live like you want without difficulties that you had for a long time is priceless.
It is a long post, but hopefully useful, three more parts to come. Wishing you a fresh look at psychotherapy, with no judgement and plenty of curiosity :)
My name is Monika, I am psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, counsel and teach. Book my talk to know more!
Free extrapolation based on this: https://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-myths-and-facts.html
Photo: Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #therapy #why
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MORE INSIGHTS YOU MIGHT LIKELearn more by discovering other insights
Podcast I would like to recommend - "Infinite Monkey Cage". While it covers a very wide range of topics, today I enjoyed "Science of Dreaming", and there is more on human mind and psychology related subjects. It is difficult to discuss such a subjective field with so much reliance on memory and personal interpretation, but these guys do it brilliantly. Podcast hosts - Brian Cox and Robin Ince with a panel of cool guests for each episode.
Episode on dreaming: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0008wtj
My name is Monika, I am psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, counsel and teach.proto
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #recommendations #podcast #infinitemonkeycage
Book that I would like to recommend this week is in Lithuanian, Danutė Gailienė "Ką jie mums padarė". I am not sure if an English version exists, but it definitely should. It is not only about the psychology of the personal trauma, but also about what happens to the whole nation during wars, repressions and exile. Not only what happens in general, but also what did happen to our parents and grandparents and what does it mean to us and our children. A difficult read, excellent writing style and an important piece of knowledge.
My name is Monika, I am psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, counsel and teach. Book my talk to know more.
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #recommendation #book
Do you like our own pictures? No?... This is why. And how to change it.
People often dislike their own photo, because they believe they look better (this is called "self-enhancement bias"). Even those who claim that they do not like their own look, have an internal "pretty me" which is "in reality" or which "should be" - and get disappointed when it magically does not materialize.
Another reason - we usually like what we see often (this is called "mere exposure effect"). Even though we see ourselves quite often, it also often happens _in the mirror_, and the subtle difference of reverse picture is sufficient to not identify it with yourself as you see in the picture.
What to do:
🧠 use exposure effect for your benefit - makes selfies often and look at them (no need to publish :); shot glance will be more productive to generate the effect than long staring. Keep in mind that selfies will increase sense that you are attractive to yourself, and not to others.
🧠 smile. During smiling perception of attractiveness also increases, even if the face has objectively unattractive features.
🧠 perceived attractiveness is related to perceived happiness - which makes it worthwhile cultivating you own small happy moments (and taking pictures of them... :)
🧠 look at the old pictures - this advice is not scientific, but comes from author's own experience. But I see the logic here, as man of us tend to romanticise the past
My name is Monika, I am psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, counsel and teach.
Bornstein, R. (1989). Exposure and affect: Overview and meta-analysis of research, 1968–1987. Psychological Bulletin, 106(2), 265–289. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.106.2.265
Diener, E., Wolsic, B., & Fujita, F. (1995). Physical attractiveness and subjective well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69(1), 120.
Epley, N., & Whitchurch, E. (2008). Mirror, mirror on the wall: Enhancement in self-recognition. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34(9), 1159-1170.
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #photographs #attractiveness
Photo: Milada Vigerova from Pixabay