Difficult to calm down? Well, yes, it is a learnt skill - and definitely not an automatic reaction to somebody's or your own command "relax". It is not so simple, but can be learnt by all means. It is difficult to calm down because it first of all requires a sound feeling of security. Our current world sends us all kinds of signals constantly, most of which are based on anxiety (which is perception of threat and not security at all). We constantly get pinged by notifications, marketing messages, special format of the content we watch, quick pace of work and life. It seems that there is no time we can spare for calming down, otherwise we will not catch up with life. And get to experience the consequences of that. But exactly because of these consequences - the ability to calm down should not be an aspiration for vacation, but a daily necessity. When you master this ability, the unavoidable pace may be much easier to deal with.
So how do we learn that?
🧠 when facing a problem - give yourself some time, do not to jump to conclusions until you have the full picture. Slower thinking is more correct.
🧠 do not over-estimate "stalking it out". It is very important to identify and name the problem, but if you keep talking about it constantly - does not help. IT actually causes harm. It is much better to act on the identified problems and take practical steps toward resolution.
🧠 choose and practice a body level calming technique - walk, breath in calm and rhythmical fashion, do yoga, structure and tidy your environment, do some stretching exercises. The more often you engage in a calming activity, the stronger will be the effect.
🧠 divide your big goals into small steps and make intentional, mindful breaks (for example, for the already mentioned stretching exercises)
🧠 try to be here and now more often; use, resolve and enjoy what is important right now, before you shift your attention to the future or to the past.
My name is Monika, I am psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, counsel and teach. Book my talk to ask your questions!
Very comprehensive article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/202105/the-high-cost-calm
Photo: Quang Le from Pixabay
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #calm
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Podcast I would like to recommend - "Infinite Monkey Cage". While it covers a very wide range of topics, today I enjoyed "Science of Dreaming", and there is more on human mind and psychology related subjects. It is difficult to discuss such a subjective field with so much reliance on memory and personal interpretation, but these guys do it brilliantly. Podcast hosts - Brian Cox and Robin Ince with a panel of cool guests for each episode.
Episode on dreaming: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0008wtj
My name is Monika, I am psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, counsel and teach.proto
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #recommendations #podcast #infinitemonkeycage
Book that I would like to recommend this week is in Lithuanian, Danutė Gailienė "Ką jie mums padarė". I am not sure if an English version exists, but it definitely should. It is not only about the psychology of the personal trauma, but also about what happens to the whole nation during wars, repressions and exile. Not only what happens in general, but also what did happen to our parents and grandparents and what does it mean to us and our children. A difficult read, excellent writing style and an important piece of knowledge.
My name is Monika, I am psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, counsel and teach. Book my talk to know more.
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #recommendation #book
Do you like our own pictures? No?... This is why. And how to change it.
People often dislike their own photo, because they believe they look better (this is called "self-enhancement bias"). Even those who claim that they do not like their own look, have an internal "pretty me" which is "in reality" or which "should be" - and get disappointed when it magically does not materialize.
Another reason - we usually like what we see often (this is called "mere exposure effect"). Even though we see ourselves quite often, it also often happens _in the mirror_, and the subtle difference of reverse picture is sufficient to not identify it with yourself as you see in the picture.
What to do:
🧠 use exposure effect for your benefit - makes selfies often and look at them (no need to publish :); shot glance will be more productive to generate the effect than long staring. Keep in mind that selfies will increase sense that you are attractive to yourself, and not to others.
🧠 smile. During smiling perception of attractiveness also increases, even if the face has objectively unattractive features.
🧠 perceived attractiveness is related to perceived happiness - which makes it worthwhile cultivating you own small happy moments (and taking pictures of them... :)
🧠 look at the old pictures - this advice is not scientific, but comes from author's own experience. But I see the logic here, as man of us tend to romanticise the past
My name is Monika, I am psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, counsel and teach.
Bornstein, R. (1989). Exposure and affect: Overview and meta-analysis of research, 1968–1987. Psychological Bulletin, 106(2), 265–289. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.106.2.265
Diener, E., Wolsic, B., & Fujita, F. (1995). Physical attractiveness and subjective well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69(1), 120.
Epley, N., & Whitchurch, E. (2008). Mirror, mirror on the wall: Enhancement in self-recognition. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34(9), 1159-1170.
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #photographs #attractiveness
Photo: Milada Vigerova from Pixabay