Monika KuzminskaitėHealth psychologist, with special love for food and eating mattersSome time ago
Shhh, quiet, quiet... Stop. Exhale. Do not run. Easy, easy... I know, it is hard to stay in silence and in peace. I know, we need to learn it, and we did not learnt it yet. It is much easier to be in noise, fireworks, champagne bubbles, lights, loud music, shiny clothes, template greetings, wishes (even if fingers are crossed in the pocket), fake smiles (even if eyes do not smile). Oh, you thought noone sees that? They do. But we all play the game "Let's be happy". The first to lose the game is the one who stops smiling, wishing or otherwise breaks the rules of the game. And is beaten by other players on top of that. Let's admit, most of us do not know other games, so we all stick to what we know. Players who are afraid to drop out, put on third or fourth layer of mask, maybe even proving to himself or herself - "I sincerely like it". They get angry at all who are a threat, who can see though all the masks. Maybe even rip them off. Maybe this is why I like Chinese celebrations with dancing dragons more, where mask is real, and the movements of the masked dancer also reveal the real emotions of the dancer. In the end, masks reveal and enhance more than they hide.
Thank you, the weird year of 2020. First of all, for making people to take off their masks at finally look at themselves, at own wishes, needs and values. For finally making us understand that what we need the most is to talk, to hug, to sit besides, to be healthy, to easily inhale, to travel to the end of the world and swing the feet while sitting on it. Finally, to be alive.
I embrace you, my friend. Yes, you. As strong as I can. In my mind, obviously, but it is still better than nothing. Miss you like hell. There are things that I can describe, and then some others that I can tell only through the embrace. Sometimes I fill all spaces between words with that feeling. Sometimes I can out the behind sometimes "love you to the moon and back", but I really hate that phrase. Sometimes I can sing it (god, I don't really know how to sing... would like to, though). I can share a song that I think reflects what I want to say. Sometimes I can share a picture, a photo, a movie. Because I cannot do it. Would like to. That feeling when your hands are too short. When you want to say, when you feel it very clearly, but words do not come...
I want to stay still and think of you, my friend. About that embrace. About early morning and a wooden foot bridge across the sunlit lake. We sit on it in silence and in peace. No words, just a song of early bird. To take off all the armour and let the sun shine on all the scars, without fear and twitching. This is what happiness is, I think. Not the shiny things. Not the noise. Not in an attempt to stimulate all your senses at once. I this in a very soft flutter almost without breathing. And that requires silence and peace.
In the noise of celebrations these quiet voices are not really heard. Perhaps this is why people celebrate with noise, not to have to listen to the sound of painful memories or trying to not scare away the most fragile feeling. Apparently, happiness requires strength - and you can make noise with little of strength. Who makes the most noise, tries hardest to fill in the empty spaces in their hearts
Shhh, easy, quiet... I embrace you, my friend. You can, you have enough strength to me happy. Let's meet on the bridge, just before the sunrise.
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Material stuff will not make us as happy as we thought it would, nor will marriage (on the long-run). Humans are very bad at identifying what will make them happy.
On the other hand, something that will work is gratefulness, random acts of kindness, or making new social connections.
It happens often that our minds' strongest intuitions are wrong, so we will follow an idea and realise after that it didn't have as much impact as we thought it would. These bias are very common but once you know they exist, you can avoid them