How to free yourself from the negative behavior of your partner - regardless if he/she will change or not? This is a story of one woman. Being unable to influence positive changes in her partner, she started analyzing what is the narrative, what is the story of her relationship. She understood that the only thing she can change is her thoughts, This lead to another discovery - there are many "shoulds" in her story - what kind of partner he should be, how he should behave, how he should treat her. It was not directed to replace blame on her - she was looking for something she could change and become free from her husband's anger that brought her anger, helplessness and despair. She wanted to return her husbands negative behavior back to him and stop taking it as her problem. Decision to not fight back was instantly liberating and empowering. She was no longer waiting for her husband to change to become happy. Her husband's anger was his problem and his to resolve. She was not responsible to make them stop. She was only responsible for her own well being. This is where she also encountered another solemn truth - if you fight reality, reality always wins. "Should" can work against yourself as well - if you start thinking that you should fight back, should leave such relationship, should not allow such things happen to you. No "should" changes the reality, it stays the way it is regardless of anything. At then end it is only your decision what you do and where you draw the line. And most importantly - your well-being is always your personal matter, no-one else is responsible for it.
My addition - if you embark on a similar journey, make sure you are writing it all down. Written things come out much clearer and fluent than jumble of thoughts in the head.
Photo: picjumbo_com from Pixabay
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Podcast I would like to recommend - "Infinite Monkey Cage". While it covers a very wide range of topics, today I enjoyed "Science of Dreaming", and there is more on human mind and psychology related subjects. It is difficult to discuss such a subjective field with so much reliance on memory and personal interpretation, but these guys do it brilliantly. Podcast hosts - Brian Cox and Robin Ince with a panel of cool guests for each episode.
Episode on dreaming: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0008wtj
My name is Monika, I am psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, counsel and teach.proto
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #recommendations #podcast #infinitemonkeycage
Book that I would like to recommend this week is in Lithuanian, Danutė Gailienė "Ką jie mums padarė". I am not sure if an English version exists, but it definitely should. It is not only about the psychology of the personal trauma, but also about what happens to the whole nation during wars, repressions and exile. Not only what happens in general, but also what did happen to our parents and grandparents and what does it mean to us and our children. A difficult read, excellent writing style and an important piece of knowledge.
My name is Monika, I am psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, counsel and teach. Book my talk to know more.
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #recommendation #book
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Yet, the recommendations for efficient prevention seem to make sense even now, and for anyone of any age:
- regular physical activity
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- drinking little alcohol
- maintaining low blood pressure
- being active mentally, constant learning
- active social life
I believe such future would be brighter not only because we would have more and better medications for lonely older people with multiple diseases. Or perhaps completely not because of that.
My name is Monika, I am health and nutrition psychologist. I help to deal with daily and difficult questions about behavior, thinking, emotions. I write, teach and provide psychological counselling. Book mytalk to know more!
#spoonfulofreason #psychology #future #futurology #dementia #oldage