Eating is so much more about mind than digestion. It is about what we know, how we make choices and decisions, our attitidues, problem solving and planning abilities, social influence, habits, memories, goals, motivation. And yes, also about hormones, neurotransmitters, microbiome and other wonderful things. And all of that happens before you take every bite or sip.
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What is it like to live with eating disorder through COVID-19 times?
* Overall tension of the current situation, relatives getting sick is a big stress in itself, it doesn't help that other things keep changing as well - we work differently, buy differently, celebrate and rest differently - like there is nothing else in the world that we do in a "normal" way. Increased stress level is an open door for the eating disorder to come back, because eating restrictions have already been used as a coping behavior.
* US eating disorder helplines are already getting a 70 percent increase in calls. That means that it is already a very widespread phenomenon
* Usual healthy means of coping (communication with other people, physical activity, being in the presence of healthy examples) are limited, while the wish to engage in the previously used unhealthy coping schemes is very attractive.
* What is helpful? 1. Admit that this is not a healthy eating or intermittent fasting anymore - it is back to anorexia, ortorexia or other eating disorder that you had. 2. Review your physical and social surroundings and get rid of all unhelpful triggers 3. Go back to your helpful habits - writing diary, journaling, plan your meals, stop weighing yourself constantly, exercise, engage in any creative activities. 4. Speak to your family and friends, tell them what is happening and ask for help.
* Life during pandemic is not simple. All changes require effort and strength, and noone is guaranteed success here. If you feel like you are not doing well - it is normal, most of the people feel that. Everyone tries the best they can, and noone deal with it better than others.
Photo: photosforyou from Pixabay
15 Disturbing Forms of Verbal Abuse in Relationships - you need to be able to recognize them in you and in others, because words hurt hurt as much as fists, and leave no scars.
1. Withholding - when you say only part of information, and leave the rest hanging in the air, like "keys are there"
2. Countering - when you say "no", "but", "why", "what about you" as beginning of each answer
3. Discounting - when you show that your partner has no right to feel ("I already have a headache, I can't take you and your anxiety right now")
4. Verbal abuse disguised as jokes ("c'mon, silly, I am joking")
5. Blocking and diverting - especially when your partner clearly does not like to talk about the topic, such as money, weight or children
6. Accusing and blaming ("this is you fault that I cannot do X").
7. Judging and criticizing ("you can never be happy for me").
8. Trivializing ("I'd love to have your problems").
9. Undermining ("you are talking nonsense, this is not worth my time").
10. Threatening ("If you don't stop doing X, I am leaving").
11. Name calling (anything between obvious "idiot" to not so obvious "you are such a victim").
12. Forgetting - no matter if it is big or small thing to forget, attempt to remember is missing, and it hurts.
13. Ordering ("now you get up and go buy X").
14. Denial ("I have done no such thing").
15. Abusive anger - any form of aggressive speech. No yelling is deserved.
Nuotrauka: stevepb from Pixabay
Vilnius University researchers have created a list of recommendations for better mental health during pandemic:
1️⃣ Try to maintain healthy lifestyle and daily routine. Even if you have to spend more time at home, try to have a schedule, eat regularly and maintain physical activity.
2️⃣ Dedicate time for pleasant activities. It will help to relax and will improve your mood.
3️⃣ Communicate. If no other ways are possible, maintain relationships over distance. If you want to and can, join social initiatives.
4️⃣ Concentrate on the things you CAN change. In situations where not everything is in our hands, we may become anxious or feel helpless. It is important to recognize and pay attention to what we actually can do and can control. For example, it is up to us how we keep ourselves safe, maintain relationships, etc.
5️⃣ Limit the amount of information about the spread of the virus and level of danger. Use only reliable information sources. Pick several times per day when you do listen to the news - enough to maintain overall level of knowledge. This will help with sense of being informed, safe and it will help to maintain hope.
6️⃣ Use available emotional support lines in your area, please search for them now and keep the results handy (in Lithuania, voice call to 1809, apps - Mindletic, Pagalba sau, Ramu).
7️⃣ Contact professional counselors or psychologists if you do not feel well for prolonged time (week or more). Professional will help you to understand your own emotional state better and will recommend further course of actions. The sooner you identify the problems, the sooner you will be able to get back to the good emotional state.
8️⃣ If you have thoughts about suicide, do not delay and speak to a professional counselor or psychologist. It will help you to understand your state better, see more alternatives for resolution and manage anxiety.
(Source in Lithuanian: https://www.fsf.vu.lt/naujienos/fakulteto-ivykiai/3965-psichologu-patarimai-kaip-pagerinti-psichologine-savijauta)
Article. Why do couples break up? No, not because they are not satisfied.
If you both are satisfied, your relationship goes on (happily ever after), and if you both, or one of you is not satisfied, then your relationship breaks up, right? No, not so fast. Researchers claim that satisfaction is a consequence, not the reason for relationship split. The reason is perceived relationship risk and perceived relationship reward.
When entering relationship we must accept the risk of being rejected, not listened to, not being understood, of being hurt or belittled. Of course we hope it will not happen, but we cannot guarantee it. We constantly choose between personal needs and needs to grow and develop relationship. We are forced to admit that strong relationship can be created only through making yourself vulnerable to your partner, and we need to open up all of our own armor towards the loved one. If this trust fails, we start closing up again, and relationship starts growing cold. I need to stress here, that it is all about perceived risk and perceived reward. This area is not safe from perception errors.
On the other hand, perceived threat is not the critical factor in relationship breakup - perceived reward is. Perceived reward is intimacy, love and feeling of connection. If any of these are low, relationship is likely to end (after all, people say so often - we do don have anything in common). In this picture overall satisfaction with relationship or attachment do not play a major role. People need to have a common meaningful activity to want to be together, and this meaning needs to be achievable only when those two people act together. If relationship is pleasant or "there is nothing wrong with that" - it does not have sufficient reason to exist. As it is not sufficient to say "what does she want with me, I am not doing anything wrong". The key is always what WE do together. From "we develop cancer cure together" to "we sow carrots together".
Photo: Nicole Schüler from Pixabay
What do "boundaries" mean? What does it look like when they are set and maintained? #2
▶️ it is not my job to feel, think or live for others
▶️ I have a right to feel my feelings regardless of what other people think or feel about my feelings
▶️ no one has to agree with me
▶️ no one has a right to abuse me, even if it is family, friends, coworkers or other close people
▶️ it is not OK to enmesh with my thoughts, feelings or other people; I am not the same thing as them
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