Think twice before deciding which side you are on, while you are listening to other people trash-talking their managers, colleagues, or partners. ⚠️
According to a recent study, by siding with the interlocutor, we are just adding more fuel to the conflict, which discourages the interlocutor to forgive and make peace with the other party.
To be supportive, we do not have to choose a side. The most important thing is to create a safe space for the other person to vent their emotions and collect one's thoughts.
We can do it by asking open questions, such as:
✔️ What happened?
✔️ How does it make you feel?
✔️ Why is it important for you?
✔️ What is the next step?
Remember that our goal as good conversational partners is not to condemn anyone but rather be patiently present with the other person. 👌
Link to the study: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31464479/
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It's not the tech giants that are responsible for the negative effects of their digital products, including various hate crimes and increased suicide rates. It's the ad-driven business model that is endorsed by their investors.
I recently watched a Joe Rogan podcast where he talked to Tristan Harris, an ex-Google engineer and one of the people behind the documentary "The Social Dilemma" (2020).
They talked a lot about the problems of social networks, such as manipulative algorithms and their direct effects on the political climate, which I found really interesting.
However, what they did not really talk about are the billionaires who are the major shareholders of Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc., essentially providing the ground for all the problems we are facing right know.
Who are the major investors of these companies? What are they thinking about? Unless they are psychopaths, why aren't they pulling their money out of these ethically flawed ventures?
If the negative effects of social media are so big of the deal, as described in the documentary, why aren't we including the elephants in the room? ~3000 billionaires is not a lot to with whom to have an adult conversation.
As a side note, if every person just stopped for a second before scrolling one's biased feed or sending the hate-driven comment and asked oneself "Why I am really doing this?", maybe we would not be even having this conversation.
For many, "Social Dilemma" (2020) has been an eye-opening experience. For me though the most eye-opening fact was the overblown reaction to the film. 😶
It's not that we never realized our data was (ab)used for marketing purposes, social media was addictive, or engineers were not the most avid users of their products.
It's that many knew (at least deep down) they shared a bed with the devil. However, suddenly some people stumbled upon a visually pleasing (but super predictable) documentary and now the world looks different.
To me, the overrated reaction is a reminder of how persuasive a technology-driven product can be, whether it's a "world-changing" app, social media, or a dramatic flick by Netflix, guilty of the same tactics their film is attempting to criticize. 💩
It's NOT limiting to have limiting beliefs. 🍀
We, coaches, often tend to identify them in our clients' thinking, dismantle their logic, or even subtly challenge their purpose.
However, we should not forget that various limiting beliefs as well as cognitive biases are actually precious to people.
Why? Because they help us survive. Or at least this is what our brains 'think'. 🧠
If let's say, John feared public speaking his whole life, as it prevented him from experiencing the nightmares of shame and ridicule, why would he suddenly want to give up his limiting belief?
Limiting beliefs are OK as long as you (1) are aware of them, (2) you consciously choose to live according to their rules, and (3) you are happy about their function. ☀️
Unless we enjoy chaos, we don't have to open up or say YES to every possibility.
What we CAN do is change our communication by putting the limiting belief in the beginning of the sentence and finishing with a positive one.
Example: I fear public speaking, but I would love to learn it in the future!
The formula is especially useful when we have to say NO to another person, but we want to maintain a constructive relationship.
Life is complex, so we should better start enjoying the fruits of it. 😌