Crying inside without tears
From working full time, then part time, then without certainly knowing my next payday will come takes an emotional roller coster ride, at night without fail, waking up at 2 or 3 am in the morning, thinking what to do, relationship with wife becomes sour, feeling hopeless and have to rely on her.
I have been transported back in time thinking of all the good memories and bad, and thinking life would have been different if I have taken a better decision or I have worked more diligently in my work.
Crying inside without tears, no one listen to me or understand my feelings, keeps taking care of wife's needs like a one way street.
There are opportunities out there, waiting for me, I have to keep looking, I have to be positive, I have to be humble and not give in.
Crying without tears, should I stay in this part time job, that no one cares, but them self, and not listening to people suggestions and set backs, doing business without a budget and proper planning.
Crying without tears, I wish I can go back to the days of glory, where everything is perfect, I could not leave the past, people and things changes, I need to move forward.
Crying without tears, I have to sell off my 8 year old car Honda Insight (2012) it has been 8 years you are with with me, and now we have to part, it just like yesterday that I first bought you.
Crying with tears, now alone at night, now I have nothing, what should I do next, I keep my faith up, and will do my best, what the future brings for me tomorrow.
We have many choice, the way we make people feel, will determine, they stay with us, or not.
“We must not allow other people’s perceptions to define us.” Virginia Satir
Today is my last 2 days working part-time Admim, after 1 month working there. I had a taste of what is being in a low income group. Well for what I can see the respect is not there, people are pushy, what to get things done fast, without thinking of the current work load I'm having, no proper office, worked in a not conducive environment.
Found that people are taking advantage of my ability and using me with per hour rate of RM8 daily for 5 hours, tasks include HR, Accounts, IT, and Admin.
Felt hopeless, next week I'll be joining A hotel IT job, for temporary 2 months, as the IT Manager there was hospitalized, which the pay is much higher.
So be smart to leave, if you find yourself un appreciated, the problem is that I'm Tight up with debts, and no savings, and rely on my wife. Lucky she is supportive. When I was young, I never think of savings and living from pay check, to pay check.
I'm sharing I'm story here, in hope that you not do the same mistake like me. When I was young, I have a caring character, for others, which at times, make myself suffer for my friends just to make them happy.
You'll will see, when you are blinded with love a person, you will feel obligated to provide the best things can offer to your love ones.
I'm not like that now, just let things let it be, and let time heals itself. Till my next insight, have a productive day ahead.